In retrospect, I should have known something was not quite right about the offer. I had already decided to stop responding to strange internet ads. Like, that one time the really great deal on a new Xbox turned out to be a cardboard box with an X and a smiley face on it. Ha ha. I got it later, and it was worth the dollar for the joke.

I thought it would be fun to be king for a day. It is apparently part of their religious ritual and I fit the description (5’5 medium build with brown hair and blue eyes.) As promised, they fed me really well and people did whatever I asked. Also, the clothes are pretty cool, and the crown – beautiful.

I should have asked what they meant by sacrificial victim. I should have asked. I thought it was symbolic, you know, like I would wave at the group while they held up a “sacrificial” loaf of bread or something. Now the flames are rising and it is getting hard to breathe and, well, if you can read this I want to pass on some sound advice.

If you ever decide to respond to a weird online ad promising to make you king for the day (or whatever), make sure you get all the details first. Then again (really feeling dizzy now) maybe I should have really stopped responding to strange online ads.