I vowed that this would be the last time I walked through another door, the last time I stepped into yet another world. The loss had become too much, people I’d loved and had to leave behind, unable to explain where I had gone.

This time, it appears as purple door, its brass knob cold as death. On the other side, I find you waiting, as if you had not- You’re sitting at a desk in your room, and seeing me in the doorway you smile, believing that the me you see is your me, I’m sure, the me I should be if I lived in that dimension. In the background, I can hear one of your favorite songs, Bon Jovi “Bad Medicine” and … I can’t.

I know this isn’t really you, that the me with you would not really be me and-

I slam the door, sit, and don’t bother to fight off the panic attack, the sobs without tears. When I reach behind me, there’s only the wall there, no door, no way back to the place where I’d almost gone.

I loved you most of all, and it is time to let you go, time to go on in this world, a world which is still not my home, but it’s close enough.

I’ve always been a fan of portal fantasy and the ideas of magical doors. Lately, I’ve also been especially drawn to the dangers of magic when taken to extremes.