D is for Demiromantic

Demiromantic Pride Flag

Man, this one will be awkward, knocking down that fourth wall for a minute.

I thought you should know that I am in love with you, reader, but don’t take that personally. I am asexual, polyromantic, panromantic, demiromantic. That means I fall in love with people all the time, any time I feel a deep emotional connection.

Writing words, having people hear and feel those words, is one of the most intimate things I do.

I need to detox as soon as I hit submit.

Romantic attraction, like all forms of attraction is illusory, passing, and who knows if anything will come out of it? I’d rather work on a project, sit down for coffee and “just talk” than get caught up in the chemical cocktail that is even the most asexual of attractions, where I’m thinking: please marry me – oh wait, who are you again? We just met. (In my hopes and dreams.)

And, that is no fiction.


Today’s story is mostly true. I identify as asexual, sex-positive, demiromantic. It’s a joke among demis that we are constantly falling in love – and that is true. (I mean either that or I close myself up in some antisocial bubble, which … okay.)

I think it’s people who aren’t demi who often say “I love you for who you are inside, for the kind of person you are.” (Really though? Like internal organs and blood? Haha.) People who are demi – we know what you mean and are thinking it, LOUDLY, but we’re not saying it, because here’s how that kind of attraction actually works: oh my gosh I don’t even LIKE you and I’m already in love with you because we Really Talked One Freaking Time.

Now, I need a cold shower to clean my brain and heart. Because, no, just no. That to me is what demiromantic attraction is like.

Unless/until I find the person I am “in love with” is someone who can be a true and lasting connection. After that, label it how you like. I sometimes wish we had relationship status “friends” like how we have relationship status “wife/husband/girlfriend.”

4 thoughts on “D is for Demiromantic

  1. I think I’m beginning to understand a new level of “it’s complicated” when it comes to more than one human being being connected in some way to another.

  2. As someone with a very limited relationship history, none of which has been cis/heteronormative, and some of which I am still figuring out (even twelve years into my current relationship), I really dig the concept of your A-to-Z and am excited to read more!

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