Dear God,

FYI it is still not too late for me to convert to atheism. People do it every day. Usually I think it’s because this whole God thing doesn’t make sense to them. Me neither.

I’ve known you for so long now and okay I am now writing you at 4 AM, sorry 4:45 AM. I have been up for an hour trying to get my Internet working largely as a somewhat pleasant distraction from talking to you. Heck, I spent a week making what seemed like a plausible connection between the sci fi series The Expanse and The Gospel and way too much time on Facebook in general mostly to avoid talking to you.

I sometimes make writer jokes at moments like these. Like oh yes I am rearranging my kitchen and solving for X and doing multivarient calculus on the fly to avoid writing. I am not even sure what multivariant calculus is by the way. It just popped into my mind to say it. Haha just looked it up. Okay.

Still not sure what it means. I am not a mathmatician.

Truth is I am avoiding talking to you about the thing. You know what I mean. It says everything about our relationship that it would not surprise me at all if I talk to you until done and then poof – like a miracle – I’ll get what I want. Even if takes years and meanwhile a hundred techs totally stumped by the problem of my Internet, suddenly it will just start working again. Or not. In the meantime the conversation you want to have with me is legit as terrifying to me as free fall, as familiar to me as the free fall that is every time we have one of these little chats.

I am not going to become an atheist. You’re just too annoying and persistent to not be real. Just so you know, I am contacting tech support eventually. I have a Zoom meeting Wednesday and limited data on my phone. I will not forget this little mid-chat chat we had. Ever. I love you too.

Anne

PS I am going to stop trying to understand multivariable calculus as a distraction now. So shiny. But no. Maybe later. Probably not.

PPS Oh look my Internet started working again. 🙄