One boy, one girl, two Halfling guides,
Five swords, three horses (their sturdy rides),
An invisible giant, their guardian strong,
Were confident nothing could go wrong.

Right. “Someone should probably write this all down.
It’s all fun and games till somebody drowns.
That’s what mom used to say.”

“Too bad she isn’t alive today.
But she died scowling, clinging to
A lifeboat-” “Enough of that, you!”

The road is long and winds around the brook
Where neighbors pause to have a look.
“Insane, madness,” (and great gossip fodder,)
Something to watch while wading in the water.

The road leads to the ancient castle,
Which they reach with little hassle,
Apart from one werewolf fight,
After which they seemed all right,
Until one horse became a were horse,
Replaced by a new one of course,
A horse which did not talk like the first,
But still it could have been worse.
Also, the bats and the cats and the rats
And the flying monkeys with hats.
A few other things they’d rather forget.
Eventually, they reached their target.

“We have come to challenge the dragon!”
“Strict orders. No heroes allowed in.”

“We’re not heroes, ” said Halfling one.

“If you were, then I’d suggest you run.

Well, good luck, fare well, I did what I could.”

No sooner does he finish then who should
Come along but the dragon, teeth gleaming,
Smiling andĀ  in every way seeming
Pleased with itself and what it sees.
“Dinnertime always comes best in threes.”

“About the horses,” Halfling two starts to say.

“Ixnay on the ombiezay orseshay,”
Says Halfling three, former second horse
(Who’d rather be all horse than half, of course.)

One boy, one girl, three Halfling guides,
Depart on foot without their rides.
Just as well. Should they tell
Someone a zombie dragon
May soon be invading the town?

They decide instead to head down
South, always nice this time of year.
(Unless you believe in vampire deer….)


Author’s note: I wrote all of these poems before April but only managed to schedule ahead through the middle of the month. Also, I know this poem is really, really horrible. That will be all!


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