She Let Go – Ernest Holmes

I feel like my last post was super-negative and I don’t want to go a month on that note. I’ve been meditating with the Insight Timer app and came across this lovely poem, which really spoke to me in a downer moment. And I wanted to share it mostly to have something more uplifting at the top of the page for a while.

She Let Go – Ernest Holmes

She let go of the fear. She let go of the judgments. She let go of the confluence of opinions swarming around her head. She let go of the committee of indecision within her. She let go of all the ‘right’ reasons. Wholly and completely, without hesitation or worry, she just let go.

She didn’t ask anyone for advice. She didn’t read a book on how to let go… She didn’t search the scriptures. She just let go. She let go of all of the memories that held her back.

She let go of all of the anxiety that kept her from moving forward. She let go of the planning and all of the calculations about how to do it just right.

She didn’t promise to let go. She didn’t journal about it. She didn’t write the projected date in her Day-Timer. She made no public announcement and put no ad in the paper. She didn’t check the weather report or read her daily horoscope. She just let go.

She didn’t analyze whether she should let go. She didn’t call her friends to discuss the matter. She didn’t do a five-step Spiritual Mind Treatment. She didn’t call the prayer line. She didn’t utter one word. She just let go.

No one was around when it happened. There was no applause or congratulations. No one thanked her or praised her. No one noticed a thing. Like a leaf falling from a tree, she just let go. There was no effort. There was no struggle. It wasn’t good and it wasn’t bad. It was what it was, and it is just that.

In the space of letting go, she let it all be. A small smile came over her face. A light breeze blew through her. And the sun and the moon shone forevermore.

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IWSG: To Nano or Not Nano

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It’s November again and that means NaNoWriMo, the event where thousands of people across the world try to write 50,000 words in a month. It’s also the first Wednesday of the month which means IWSG day!

The optional question of the month: Win or not, do you usually finish your NaNo project? Have any of them gone on to be published?

Answer, I always finish something, but it’s never been anything I’ve considered publishable. This month, I’m writing “experimental fiction” – usually what I do in November, the kind of story I want to write even if no one else will want to read it.

I’m having a bit of a downer this week apart from NaNoWriMo insecurities. Other writing I’ve been doing for paying clients has not been going well and I am questioning my abilities as a writer. I keep hoping I’ll magically break out of this funk I’ve been in – but there’s a part of me that is saying, but what if I lack the talent to do this? Maybe I’m just seriously not good at this. I feel like it needs to be said. Maybe I love to write, because I do, but that’s where it ends – and that’s okay. I just need to look at other ways to make a living / make my mark on the world.

That’s where I am right now – and man this sounds horrible when I say it like that, but there’s a peace in entertaining the possibility, in saying maybe I can’t actually do this. I need to stop trying to force myself to be able to do something I’m not going to be able to do. I overthink things way too much, run down side trails way too easily – and that’s just who I am. Only by accepting that, maybe, I can start seeing a path that will actually work.

I really hope so.